Angel by Victoria Johns
Author:Victoria Johns [Johns, Victoria]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2018-08-02T05:00:00+00:00
My heart was broken. Simple as that.
Cracked into a million smithereens, drifting around my insides making it so difficult to breathe.
I cried for some time, but after being on the bike for a while it became physically painful. The wind dried the salty tears to my face and my eyes just hurt.
Everything hurt.
We rode for a couple of hours until Throttle decided to stop. When the wind was no longer battering my face, I knew I looked a mess. I could feel how puffy my face was, and my makeup, if there was any left, must have looked like a bad version of Alice Cooper. Dirt and dust had stuck to my damp cheeks and ironically, the mess on the outside reflected how I was feeling on the inside.
We’d stopped in the middle of nowhere. I’d paid no attention to the direction we took and wherever we were, it wasn’t somewhere I’d been before. When Throttle helped me off his motorcycle, I was stiff from the ride and emotional exhaustion, and when he didn’t drop my hand, I didn’t force it. I was in serious need of comfort. My mind raced through all the facts and no matter how much sass and guts I tried to call up, I had none. I felt broken. I couldn’t shake the fear I felt for Davis. He was mixed up with the Carnals, and that was like walking on quicksand. Declan had played me. He’d been ghosting my life all along and my dad seemed to be a part of that. The older brothers I’d grown up with also knew it, and the shame I’d carried for living a lie and letting them love me when I was responsible for their friend’s death was too much to cope with. I couldn’t rationalize that they were my family, my soul mates, and they’d known along that I didn’t belong with them.
The guilt I’d felt over the years was a constant pressure in my head and heart, and it truly felt at times like I would suffocate from it. I couldn’t understand how they could know the truth and still treat me so well. They’d never asked for an explanation and now I knew why. Even though I’d lied for twenty years, really I was the one who had been truly fooled.
“Just breathe.” Throttle’s voice poked at my senses and I saw he’d walked us a short distance to the edge of an overhanging rock ledge. I didn’t put up a fight when he pulled me to sit down next to him. For a hot minute, I thought about jumping, just sliding off in a bid to end the suffering. The need to stop the shame and guilt was eating me up. More than a little bit worryingly, though, my brain didn’t tell me to man up. It agreed that it was a viable option. My subconscious wasn’t interested in putting up a fight at all.
“I wouldn’t fucking let you.” Throttle put his arm around me and knew the depths to which my thoughts had sunk.
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